Genie, Grant Me Three Wishes

I'd take any single one of them...

#1 - Turn me into a Shure model SM87A

#2 - Turn me into Jimmy Kimmel's stage floor

#3 - Give me my hair back and grow me a stache STAT - or just explain exactly how those hips work the way they do

People Suck v2

Someone stole two pairs of sunglasses out of my car yesterday - society fails to surprise me once again.

Ya'll need to pick up on this vibe a bit more - LIVE AND LET LIVE

People Suck

#1 We went downtown to get sushi last night and I parked my car in the garage. We returned to a Trout River bottle label stuck to the trunk. Sweet. Who have I pissed off now by simply existing?



#2 I go to get some gas for the pressure washer. Some 'Burton chick' is at the gas station. I pull out behind her. She stops and then puts it in reverse. I yell, honk the horn, and try to pull it back into reverse (automatics are crap). Bang, crunch. I back up and turn down the stereo. We get out of our cars.

'Burton chick': "I'm so sorry. I'm in a hurry and was too far in the road. I'm sorry. I think I only hit your license plate. I'm sorry."

Me: "Yeah, I think so" (lean down to look at bumper cause she's full of shit).

There's paint missing in a few spots and the fog light space is dented in. It's plastic so I'm not caring a whole lot.

'Burton chick': "Oh did I do that? I'm sorry. I'm just in a hurry. You can have my information if you want."

Me: "No. Don't worry about it. It's fine."

'Burton chick': "Are you sure?"

Me: "Yeah, I'm sure."

'Burton chick': "Wow. You're a nice dood. Thanks." (speeds off)

You are a very lucky man Matthew Burr

Paris Vid Debut

The Legacy Lives On

Thanks for everything Boss